The Straight Skinny

I’ve done the exercises that Mary The Physical Therapy Lady has prescribed, and, also as prescribed, I’m icing my knee.  Just sitting with ice on my knee and staring off into space is not very exciting, so I need to come up with a way to entertain myself.   I thought of watching  the skin on my legs get wrinkled and old looking.  Wait, it already is, so that’s out.  No one is painting our walls so I can’t watch paint dry.  I have an idea!  I’ll watch the U.S. men’s Olympic curling team play Sweden!  All three of those choices are equally exciting, right?

Before 2006, I don’t think I was even aware of a game called curling.  I know for sure I didn’t understand the game, so watching it would have been a boring chore.  It would not have happened.

Bemidji's Olympic Curlers - 2006.

Then, in February 2006 when we were living in Bemidji, I turned on the TV to watch the Winter Olympics in Italy, and the first image I saw when the TV came on was a familiar face.  I yelled to Nancy, “Come look at the TV.  The guy who was working the cash register the last time we ate at Dave’s Pizza is curling for the U.S. in the Olympics!”  We looked on in surprise and realized that the person who was about to slide a stone down the ice was Pete Fenson, the owner of Dave’s Pizza in Bemidji.  We had no idea he was an Olympic athlete and an international celebrity, and we didn’t know then that Bemidji was one of the major curling centers in North America.

I continued to watch that game, and I watched other games during the next few days.  I watched the game that gave the Pete Fenson rink (team) the Olympic Bronze Medal.  Pete’s final shot to win the game was an exciting moment, and it got me hooked on the game.  Nancy and I even went to the Bemidji Airport to be part of the crowd who welcomed the U. S. curling teams home from Italy.

Those first games on TV were a puzzle to me.  I didn’t understand the scoring or anything else.  It looked like a weird shuffleboard game.  As I watched more games, I learned from the announcers, and I read about curling on the Internet.  The more I learned, the more interesting the game became.  I thought it would be fun to learn how to curl, but the season was almost over by then.

In the Fall of 2006, a course catalog for adult education classes arrived in the mail.  A beginner’s curling class was on the list, and I enrolled.

The classes were held in the Bemidji Curling Club one night a week for several weeks.   Primarily, the classes focused on the traditions, etiquette, rules and flow of the game.  Relatively little time was spent on the ice, but the classes proved to be invaluable.

We learned that curling etiquette is an extremely important element of the game.  The rules of etiquette are largely unwritten.  Most of these rules are as old as the game.  Failure to observe them will cause one to be unwelcome on teams and in curling clubs.

One of these rules that sets curling apart from other sports is that openly criticizing a teammate or opposing team member for a poor shot is just not done.  Saying a quiet “Nice shot” is OK  if a shot is well made, but you will never hear anything like, “That shot was really stupid.  What were you thinking?”  Essentially, the game is quietly and respectfully played.  Teams and individual players strive not to draw attention to themselves except through their performance on the ice.  It’s almost as if the game was designed by Norwegian Lutherans.

Most of the last couple sessions of this curling class was spent on the ice.  I was anxious to get out there.  Seeing others shooting, sweeping and moving easily around the ice gave me the impression that this would be a piece of cake.  It looked easy, and, after all, I grew up in a place where ice is common, and I never had any trouble with it.

So, there I was on the ice for the first time.  We were being shown some shooting basics, and I was just standing there listening and watching, then — BOOM!  — I’m flat on my back.  How did this happen?  Must have been some foreign material on the ice.  Someone is asking me if I’m OK.  I say sure and get up.

I’m standing there listening to the instructor again, and I decide to move over a bit to see what he is doing.  BAM!  I am looking up at everyone again.  I get up, but now I can see that this is very much different than the ice on the sidewalk in front of Larson’s Grocery Store or the outdoor skating rink  in Cooperstown.  I can see this can be hazardous to my health.  Broken bones and old guys don’t mix.  My confidence changes to caution.

Then there’s learning how to shoot the rock.  That low, crouching position that shooters use to gracefully slide down the ice and release the rock looks simple.  I can handle that.  Sure I can.  Want to embarrass yourself?  Try it.  That is definitely a learned skill and not an easy one.

So, at first, my priority is to do some kind of slide down the ice with the rock in front of me without tipping over and sliding down the ice on my butt.  Once in awhile I felt like the rock was shooting me.  After some practice, I develop a rather strange looking shooting posture, but it seemed to work with my bad knees.  I learn to stay upright most of the time, and I begin to improve shooting accuracy.  I begin to understand the complex relationship between the ice, the rock and me.

I could have used a shooting stick and stayed upright while shooting.  People who can’t crouch down to shoot can use those, but I was darned if I would resort to that during my first tries at curling.  Just didn’t seem right.

Early practices and games are very frustrating and embarrassing much of the time, and it would be easy to stay home and protect my dignity.  Occasionally I would have a good day, and could shoot pretty well.  Those days had kind of a narcotic effect and kept me going back to the curling club.

After “graduation” from the class, I was able to start curling in a league.  Teams are organized into leagues, i.e. Senior Men’s League, Senior Women’s League, Mixed League, Businessman’s League, etc.

The first league I got in was the Senior Men’s League.  It was a good league for beginning curlers.  Most of the guys in the league had been curling most of their lives and were very good.  Some had been on teams that had won championships.  Thankfully, they were patient with a beginner and many of them were willing to share their knowledge.

After one of the games in this league, I was invited to join a team in the Businessman’s League.  The skip was a retired optometrist.  Another team member was a retired grocery store manager.  We never had a permanent fourth member, but we usually were able to find someone in the clubhouse who would curl with us.

Bob Fenson

One of the first games we played as a team was against a team in which Bob Fenson was skip.  Bob was the coach of his son’s Olympic 2006 team.  He was also the curling club’s manager and ice maker.  We beat them!!  Talk about luck.   We were stoked, especially me.  To this day, I think that Bob gave us a gift.

On game days, I usually went early to the curling club to shoot a few dozen rocks before the first game.  Bob Fenson was almost always there working on the ice, etc.  Many times he would come out on the curling sheet with me to give me pointers and encouragement.  Many days, I needed that encouragement.  I very much appreciated Bob’s help.  I learned there is probably not a nicer person on the face of the planet.

I haven’t been on curling ice since that winter of 2006-2007.  I think that one season is all I needed anyway.  Curling for the first time at age 68 is not the best time to start.  My bad knees didn’t help either.

But I am very glad that I got out there and stuck with it that winter.  I met some great people and learned to love a wonderful game.  If someone builds a curling center in Southern Arizona, I may try it again.  My knees will be ready this time.

Zork P2ζ (That’s his name.) decided one day that he would take his new Plasma Pulse Megacycle RT out for a spin around the galaxy to see what he could see.  Zork lives on a planet called U4EA that is in a universe just on the other side of our sun.

Zork had an interesting ride, and he was anxious to share his adventure with his buddies back on U4EA.  He was a little troubled by things he saw on his trip, and he would share this with them too.

Zork and his buddies always meet at their favorite bio replenishment establishment every first sequence period of each solar rotation.  After everyone arrived and was connected to the bio replenishment establishment’s free omni-directional data distributor, Zork announced that he had been for a ride on his new Plasma Pulse Megacycle RT and that he had seen something interesting things.

One of his buddies asked, “What did you see?” 

Zork replied:

I was weaving in and out of asteroid belts, and, as I passed through this one, I saw a planet in the distance that had peculiar areas of white on opposite sides.  In between the white spots were areas of blue, green and brown.  As I began to run an analysis of this globe on my fairing mounted sensor suite, a moving object caught my eyes.  It turned out to be an antique space penetrator that had been launched from this peculiar planet.  It flew up and joined with a peculiar looking device that was orbiting around this planet.  I later learned they called this an International Space Station.

 My interest in this planet was peaked, so I activated the outside activity monitoring and analysis unit.  They are now standard equipment on the new Plasma Pulse Megacycle RTs.  The unit soon showed that this planet was inhabited by life forms much simpler than ours.  The most complex of these dominated the planet.  I focused in on the segment of land from which the space penetrater was launched. 

After monitoring this land segment’s electronic communications and life form brain transmitters, I concluded that this society was comprised of groups called Democrats, Republicans and another very large group of beings who had the impression they were being governed by the Democrats and Republicans.  I was struck by the fact that the thoughts of the Republicans and Democrats seemed to be greatly influenced by a small minority of radical beings within this large group. 

While I was watching, the Democrats and Republicans were debating how to provide what they referred to as health-care to all the beings in their segment of land.  They couldn’t agree on how to do it, because all the Democrats said all the Republicans had only bad ideas, and all the Republicans said that all the Democrats had only bad ideas.  None of the Democrats were able to admit that some the Republicans ideas were good and would benefit the most beings, etc. etc.  My life form brain transmitter analysis showed that neither the Democrats or Republicans were that much interested in the welfare of the majority of the beings in that land segment, and, for that matter, all the other beings on the entire planet.  They were mostly interested in themselves and taking advantage of the other group.  I could tell that many individual Republicans and Democrats did not agree with the majority of thier group, but they were afraid to publicly articulate their disagreements.  What they said was often greatly influenced by others, and they didn’t have the courage and character to act for the good of the majority.

The Republicans and Democrats had other issues besides health-care to decide too.  Many of these issues could effect the long term survival of all the  beings on this planet, but, again, Republicans and Democrat’s would not compromise on how to solve many of these issues that were to important to all the beings there.

Zork’s friends were fascinated and in disbelief.  They hung on every word as he continued:

Then I started examining other parts of this planet.  I gave my attention to the other side of it, and soon learned that this side of the planet is in worse shape.

There are wars there.  A major reason for these wars is religion.  These beings define religion as a way to think about themselves and supreme beings, often dead ones, that they believe will determine the course of their lives.  The major religion here is called Muslim, and the followers of a form of it causes most of the unrest.  

Another reason for the wars is a concern by other beings on the planet, including beings where the Republicans and Democrats live, that they will be able to access the sticky black substance that is below the surface of the planet.  They need it to power most of their machines, so it is very important.  To complicate matters, most of the sticky black substance is in the land segments controlled by the Muslim people.

This part of the world is the most dangerous to the all the beings on the planet.  Some beings here are working on weapons that will destroy millions of other beings.  Some of the leaders of beings in this part of the planet are unbelievably irresponsible and would probably use the weapons at the slightest whim.  Such an event is certain to be catastrophic for the entire planet.

One of Zorks friends asked who on the planet could do the most to prevent catastrophes.  One of Zork’s faces looked very glum, as he answered:

The Democrats and Republicans on the other side of the planet have it in their power to prevent the catastrophes, but they would have to work together to do it.  None of the beings on that planet are very hopeful that this will happen.  As a matter of fact, the leaders of the Republicans started one of the wars and was untruthful about why the war was necessary.  Sadly, this is one of the last times that many of the Democrats and Republicans agreed on something.

Watching what is occurring on this planet, and becoming aware of what is likely to happen in their future, I became depressed.  I turned off my sensors, zoomed back into the nearby asteroid belt and came home.  The ride on my Plasma Pulse Megacycle RT was not as enjoyable as I had hoped.

All of the faces on all of Zork’s friends took on a very sad look, and another of Zork’s friends asked about that space penetrater he saw, and he asked if something like that could be used to carry Democrats and Republicans to U4EA.

Zork replied:  

No, we don’t have to be concerned about that.  Young beings on that planet should be receiving knowledge that will allow them to advance thier society and create the scientific advancements that would eventually give them the ability to come here.  But, not enough of them are doing that.  Too many are spending much of their time playing with crude electronic game, messaging and video devices that don’t give them the knowledge they need.  Many of them don’t have the work ethic to better their own existence and to help their society succeed and advance.  Like many of the younger adult beings, they feel entitled to all the benefits their society has to offer without earning them.  They will be happy to sit on the side and accept the money the beings call welfare, and they will feel entitled to accept the health-care that other beings paid for.  They will be happy to sit on the side and let others fight in the wars that, someday, could be brought to their section of the planet.  They will probably be qualified to be Democrats or Republicans if that planet is still there when it is their turn.

View from our driveway.

After a few days of wet and wild weather, I have to admit that there are some occasional imperfections in the Perfect Weather Zone.  Yesterday was especially wild, and last night it rained so hard it sounded like our house was under a waterfall.

Also last night, the alarm from our weather warning radio went off more that it did all of last summer in Minnesota.  The warnings included both tornado and severe thunderstorm warnings, but most of that was going on in the desert 20 to 30 miles southwest of us, though, at times, it sounded like all of that was in our back yard.

Yesterday morning the wind came up and it blew hard all day long.  High wind and severe weather warning had been issued by NWS.  Wind gusts were expected to go as high as 60 mph, and I am sure that it came close to that a few times at our house.  The new Swedish windows were put to the test.  I thought they would blow in a few times, but they held.

Before the winds got real strong, I moved lots of stuff from our patio to the garage.  Didn’t need any of that to get airborne.  Don’t think a Swedish window would have held up to a flying patio chair.

Storms of this magnitude are rare in the Old Pueblo, and there will be no shortage of storm related events on the news for the next couple days.

Woman making news.

This morning as we were drinking our coffee and reading the paper, we heard many sirens not far off.  Nancy has signed up for automatic news alerts on her computer and one came through about a woman who tried driving through a flooded wash (wash: a dry creek bed or gulch that temporarily fills with water after a heavy rain).  She had escaped to the roof of her swamped vehicle, and they were trying to rescue her, probably at great risk to their own lives.  Later, another news flash came through saying that the rescue was successful and everyone is safe.  The sirens we heard were her rescuers enroute to her.

In Arizona, there is a law commonly refered to as the Stupid Motorist Law.  If this woman is cited under that law, she will probably be owing the county and state lots of money.  They have stopped giving free rescues here to people who don’t have the sense to not drive into swiftly flowing water especially if there are signs up saying “Do Not Enter When Flooded”.

Not so perfect weather zone.

This is the same storm that is making news in Southern California.  People’s homes are being swept away by mud slides, and parts of homes perched on the edges of ocean bluffs are sliding into the sea.  It happens every year there, and I’ve never been able to understand why people live in a place that exposes them to almost certain disaster.  I’ve lived in Southern California for many years, and I know you can find a place to live in a spectacular location and still be assured the place will be at the same address when you wake up in the morning.

It’s amazing that so many people do such a poor job of taking care of themselves.

Returning to the weather, we can use the rain.  So far, we’ve had about 1.5 inches of it, and we can use more.  The more rain we have here in the winter, the more we are rewarded in the spring when the desert blooms, and, when conditions are right, it is spectacular.  Normally unattractive cactus produce some of the most spectacular flowers you can imagine.  I’ll post photos of some in this blog this spring if the desert puts on a good show.

The weather is calming down this morning.  The 40 mph wind and heavy rain has moved on, and it is quiet in the house again.  Guess I’ll be putting the patio stuff back on the patio.

Karli

Karli, our granddaughter, is not part of any posse that I know of, but I need to stick her pretty face in here and mention that her fine efforts on the basketball court yesterday were rewarded with a trip to Urgent Care and a new cast on her right arm.  She will know Monday if anything is broken, and she will know after that if she will be allowed to compete in some soccer tournaments that are important to her.

Karli, I hope your arm doesn’t hurt too much and that you will learn on Monday that nothing is broken.  I hope you will be allowed to play in those tournaments.

If you have followed this blog, you know about the work we’ve had done to our house recently.  The new tile is in, the bedrooms have their new carpet, and the new window coverings are hung and look great.

What remains now are things we will, for the most part, do ourselves, such as install oak baseboards over the tile.  There are lots of other things on the list too.

One of the things on the list was completed yesterday.  I added a bunch of new shelves to the closet in the second bedroom per Nancy’s specification.  I wanted to complete that so I would have today free to watch the Vikings and the Chargers play in their respective playoff games.

I also wanted to get done early enough in the day so I could rest and prepare myself for the most critical task of the day: defending Sun City – Vistoso from all enemies, foreign and domestic.

Official posse uniform.

Nancy and I volunteer with the Sun City Posse.  Sun City Posse is a super-sized community watch program for the 2488 houses in the Sun City – Vistoso community.

I described the Sun City Posse as super-sized, because it is lots more than the typical community watch program that relies on nosy neighbors reporting on the suspicious behavior of their nosy neighbors and others in their neighborhood.

In the Sun City Posse program, nosy neighbors are given organization, mobility, a hat and a badge.

Posse headquarters.

The posse has its own headquarters building and patrol vehicles.  The building is where posse members go to check in at the start of their patrol.  They get the keys to their  patrol vehicle, Posse Patrol Instruction Book, Watch Report with clipboard and a cell phone from which to call in reinforcements and wake up a few deserving homeowners.

There are two patrol vehicles.  Both are Dodge compact pick-ups with a light bar on the roof.  I think the lights are yellow.  I’ve never seen them operate.

Unless posse organizers are unable to find enough volunteers, patrols are run seven days a week in two shifts.  First shift is from 8:00 p.m. yo 11:00 p.m.  The second shift goes from 11:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m.  Most of the patrols are comprised of husband and wife teams.

Some basic rules for patrol teams are:

• Do not get out of patrol vehicle.  I have violated that rule when I got out of the truck to talk to an elderly lady whose front yard was being washed away by water gushing from a broken pipe.
• Do not back up. That is probably a good rule.  Some of the people doing these patrols probably shouldn’t be driving forward either.  I think the attrition rate of mail boxes and street signs was fairly high before they made this rule.
• Do not patrol alone.  Complaining about the driving of ones patrol partner is half the fun of being on posse patrol anyway.  Sure makes the time go faster.

Posse patrol vehicles.

The primary responsibility of posse patrols is to spot untoward and suspicious activity within the Sun City – Vistoso community.  The other job of the patrols is to help maintain the ambiance and appearance standards of the community.

We are to make a record of all RVs parked on the street and, after 9:00 p.m., we are to make a record of all vehicles parked on the street.  RVs are allowed on a street for only two consecutive days.

We are to call the occupant of a house with open garage doors.  If there is no answer, we are to call 911.

All homes in Sun City – Vistoso have a switch that very few residents know about that will cause the front exterior lights to flash to attract attention.  A posse patrol is to call the occupant of a house with a flashing light.  If no answer, call 911.

Calling 911 can have interesting results.  The Oro Valley Police respond to these, and, since Oro Valley is almost crime free, they don’t have much to do if they aren’t out writing speeding tickets.  It wouldn’t be unusual for five police cars and a couple motorcycles to show up for an open garage door call.

That reminds me of another rule:  “Do not wait for the police to show up after calling 911.”  I think the reason there is to not add to the possible traffic jam.

Optional posse tasks include:

• Record the address of a home where it appears the residents are still up after 10:00 p.m.  Those address are added to the Rowdy Resident List.
• Sun City – Vistoso is an age restricted community so the posse can identify pedestrians below the age of 50.  Those identified get deported to Fargo, ND or Fairbanks, AK.

So, Nancy and I were psyched up last night for our tour on patrol.  At the half-time of the Ravens/Colts game, we reported to do our duty, but we learned that we were a week early.  Should have read the schedule.  Would have rather looked for open garage doors than watch the rest of that game too.

I think the No Backup Rule is a good one.